To be honest, I have a lot to say. Maybe too much? When you grow up behind a mask, there's a lot of thoughts that build up. There's a lot of frustration, sorrow, and maybe even some bitterness. But there is also a lot of joy, gratefulness, beauty, and yes...hope. I don't dare presume that you'd be interested in all this build up of emotion, and the last thing I want to do is vent from an anonymous blog (for more on this blog's anonymity, check out the "about the blog" page.)
But I do love to write, and as I've silently struggled with a same-sex attraction over the course of my life, I've learned some lessons about grace, friendship, community, and beauty in the midst of brokenness. In fact, I'm still learning these lessons as God continues his redemptive work in my life. As I write on this blog, I hope to invite you into these lessons that God is teaching me. Whether or not you share this particular struggle, I hope you find encouragement. My prayer is that you will see more of Christ, and less of me.
However, as I've noted on the "about the blog" page, anonymity can be tricky. In an online world where unwise and hurtful words run rampant, perhaps it's best to start this journey with this passage from Paul's letter to the Philippians.
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." Phil 4:8
Or more specifically, blog about these things.
Life behind the mask is hard. It's messy. It's confusing. It's exhausting. But Jesus doesn't see my disguise. I can't hide from him, nor do I need to. He sees my heart, my very innermost being, with all of its wretched brokenness, and he calls me his own. I rest in his arms, and I know I am loved more deeply than I can possibly imagine. As I look to my future, I can say confidently, just like the hymn writer, "I may not know the way I go, but oh, I know my Guide."
Grace and peace,
Your Brother Behind the Mask